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Left Behind In Shadows I'm always left behind, left in the shadows of past friends.
I'm forgotten, locked away from the world I thought I knew.
A world I thought I belonged to.
But I'm blinded with saddnesss, anger and hatred.
I scream inside, but on the outside, I'm a person hiding behind a mask.
No one hears my cries,
No one sees my sadness,
No one feels my pain,
No one can sense the real me present.
They walk by.
I'm invisible to others.
But sometimes I want to scream that I'm not.
It's Never The Same...
I want to spread my wings once more,
to be free of this pain I hold in my heart,
a box full of secrets, lies and truths.
But I can't let go of the memories that are inside.
I can't tell the secrets, the lies a burden in my mind.
I'm lost inside, screaming for help.
... But no one hears the cries and screams that are hidden behind this mask I wear.
I won't break out.
And I won't.
I don't have the strength.
I'm just a lost cause, a touch of forgotteness in a lingering shadow.
There is sadness in my eyes,
that I cannot hide.
I can't turn away.
If I run, it'll catch me.
If I hide, it'll find me.
If I lie, I'll be punished.
I never thought that this would happen.
Its suppose to happen to other people,
strangers that I don't know.
It's because I'm being punished
and I must live with it.
Because of you....
I'm dying inside.
Afraid to go out in the world.
Afraid that everyone will be against me.
Afraid of being alone for too long.
Because of you....
I'm fighting a lie.
I hide them from myself but...
it never lasts long.
Secrets and lies...
they only hurt in the future
instead of wanting to protect the one thing in the past
that happened to change everything.
Because of you...
I'm in pain.
No one sees the pain I suffer.
No sees that hope is lost to me.
No one knows...
and I tear myself to pieces
my heart broken in two.
Because of you....
I cry blood red tears.
You'll never understand me...
never know me...
and never hear me...
Because of you...
My heart is broken
and it'll never be healed.
Alone...I feel so alone.
There's nothing no one can do.
I watched myself fail.
I watched myself die.
I tried to hard to save myself from the darkness
but it doesn't matter anymore.
I'm trapped inside.
I can't escape.
Left BehindI'm always left behind.
In the dark, alone and forgotten.
I think to myself,
I am a burden
or a thing- an object- that isn't wanted.
I'm always left behind,
I have dreams,
but they are shattered.
I have goals
but they are crushed.
No one cares.
Not even me.
But I know,
I really do care...
and I want someone else to care as well.
tired of crying...
tired of being pushed away
tired of being ignored
tired of being hurt
want to know if I'm heard.
I don't want to have goodbye on my mind....
Sitting in the darkness, alone.
My thoughts come to life...
I ask myself why I broke.
Why I gave up
Why have I changed.
But I haunt myself with the question...
Why am I mistaken as a lost cause.
I'll never know....
Part of me does.
... the other part,
wants it to a be a nightmare,
one I'll wake up from in the end.
the truth about growing up
1. It's easier when you don't think.
1. It starts early,
on a cloudy day when you recall
the 'childhood memories' of
two summers ago,
that's when you start your backslide into
2. On the bright side
you won't notice this until you're
good and ripe in age,
so maybe it doesn't matter
3. That tightness in your chest?
The feeling that you're not ready
to take on the rest of your life; it
4. It stews in the pit of your stomach
makes you doubt,
but there will be days when you look back
on the mountains you climbed -
the raging rivers you crossed -
and you'll have a sneaking suspicion you were
more prepared than you thought.
5. There's nothing like your own bed.
6. Laundry will never smell right
without mom's sweat and tears.
But you still have to separate lights from darks,
keep the zippers pulled tight
and the buttons unhooked.
7. There is comfort in your parents' presence.
8. Things change
the future gnaws and rips
Stranger's funeralUnder the clouds
Under the rain
Staring at the coffin
At a stranger's funeral
We're all alone
Feeling the storm
But not the pain
For he's but a stranger
And the graves around us
Are just there
Keeping us company
During this empty moment
LullabyHush, my baby,
Be still, don't cry.
Lay with me
A little while.
Close your eyes,
Slow your breath.
Hear your heart
Inside your chest?
Your heart is strong,
It guides you well.
Be sure to listen
To what it tells.
I hear him now,
Outside the room.
It won't be long,
He'll find us soon.
Now close your eyes,
Slow your breath,
And rest your head
Upon my chest.
CarolineYou loved the fire
of rogues -
imperfect men who shot up
the endings of the day
and drank down
too much beauty.
And like one of them,
you bellied with rebellion,
felt his tense seed
toil where women
and craved his notoriety.
Poor girl -
his verses won the day
and the call of words
was too fickle a lover
for any constant star.
Don't blame yourself -
are more attractive
and all poets are
Darkest MoonI celebrate my right to live;
To the dismay of some, perhaps
It should be noted
These words I write, however true
Are only portions of the moon
I’ve decide to shine light upon.
But who am I to preach respect?
Who Am I to preach equality?
An advocate for re-personification
Of the female gender
But exhibits cannibalistic characteristics
Within dark spaces.
I am a shadow
Hidden within an Eggshell, painted pink,
Waiting to hatch.
Is the darkness
The night brought upon us.
things to tell you before i leave for collegeto mrs hatcher:
i promise that one day i will write that poem you asked me for
(the only thing you ever asked me for)
and i will finally tell you that you deserve
so much more.
to mr. walker:
i promise that i will not pity you.
i promise that i will not envy you.
i promise that you will always be part of my forget-me-nots and marigolds.
i promise to always be grateful.
i promise to be careful.
i promise to be crazy.
i promise that i will remember what it feels like to be needed
and what it feels like to let someone who needs you down.
i promise that i will never resent you for asking for help
and that i will always be there when you do.
i promise that even sixty years from now,
i will not be surprised to find a letter from you in my mailbox.
i promise to always remember what it felt like to be young and crazy with you,
how scared and lonely we were.
i will remember that we both survived it,
and that we'll survive this, too.
it was a broken sense of beautifulhis smile was like dust caught
in sunlight; more like a dreamy state
of being than reality, like the half-
remembered yesterday that still haunts your
memories because you
didn't want to forget how it
we'd lie on the floor with
slats of light shot across the ceiling, drinking
in the atmosphere
with windows propped open by
books and yellowed pages,
and by the time
we wandered into sleep, we were drunk instead
smell of roses --
he was a broken kind of beautiful, a
beautiful kind of flawed; love-letters, anonymous
and never sent littered
the dusty floorboards beneath his
of what we were before
love found it's way
back around; hours passed in a sunset haze
as my fingers ghosted over words
he'd written half-asleep, ink smudged on his fingers --
they say the music
comes when your heart's about to break, more
like a whimper than a bang; but i've
never heard a song so
sweet, and this sense of lovely has found it's home
inside my bones --
The Sadness of My Blue-pearlThe Sadness of My Blue-pearl Eyes
My eyes tell the world I am always sad. I am a deeper thinker than anyone knows. I am always look at every thing in a depressing manner and no matter what my eyes will never smile. I am always thinking about something other than what everyone is saying and thinking. I usually say little or nothing at all. I am usually found in my room, writing depressing poems and books or my nose is in a book, trying to escape in fantasy world, another world where I am welcomed as a character. My feelings are the words I write on the blank pages and the little scribbles with my broken pencil. I keep thinking, "I didn't break this time." Then ask, "Will I break the next time?"
I shrug at the depressing thought in my head. I blink hard to erase my thoughts of death. But I can't. When I am alone in bed at night, no one is there to stop my thoughts from swarming in my head. I am powerless to stop them; unable to think of som
Teenage TaoismGiving birth is the closest I’d ever felt to dying.
Before that, my near death experiences had consisted only of my silent announcement of pregnancy—silent, being that my social media accounts were all deleted almost simultaneously and I never returned to school in the fall, saying without really saying that I had caught the malicious disease of “teenage pregnancy”. I’m sure the whisper spread in the hallways like the Bubonic Plague. That September, sitting at home on what would have been the first day of my senior year, I imagined friends I’d never talk to again saying “she was only seventeen, and so full of life!” at my absence in the cafeteria tables, as if they were attending my funeral instead of talking about me behind my back.
"Full of life," I had snorted then, folding a never ending stream of what had once been my own baby clothes. "Literally."
I walked around like a zombie for the months of my pregnancy, deciding t
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